"I'm sorry...I...can't be perfect..."
He smiled.  “I’m not expecting you to be perfect.  Lord knows I’m not.”
"I always make us fight...”
“Well I can’t change that…only you can…if you want to.  No one can make you do something you don’t want to do.”
"I just...need you so badly but I don't want to force you."
“You haven’t forced me so far.  And I think we’ve made a fair deal of progress…don’t you?”
"Mmm hmm of course.”
“So long as you’re patient, I don’t see a problem.  Do you?”  Well, what came when they left here, what came when Andreas entered the picture, could be problems.  But here and now Tom didn’t see any problems.
"Not yet...no.”
Tom smiled.  “Then I suggest less fighting and more enjoying ourselves…because the chance to relax doesn’t come along very often.”
“So true.”
Since Bill didn’t want to talk, Tom turned his attention to eating.  Eventually he asked, “How’s your chicken?  Is it worth a few minutes of flirting?”
"Yea." he smiled slightly and lost himself in his thoughts again.
The rest of the meal was silent, as Bill kept to his thoughts and Tom watched the sun set.  Afterwards, Tom insisted they stop at a small store for the few grocery items that he felt they needed, and then it was back to their rented house for the night.  Tom put the groceries away, humming to himself as he did so, having no idea what Bill was doing in the meantime.
"Hey Tomi?"
“Yeah?” he asked as he put the last items in the refrigerator and then poured himself a glass of milk.
"Wanna walk on the beach with me? It's a full moon and it's really pretty." And it was a little weird that he wore a bathrobe.
Tom turned to look at him as he said, “Sure we could do that…” Then he saw what his brother wore and he laughed a little.  “Didn’t take you long to get out of your clothes, did it?  Do I have time to change into something else?”
Bill blushed at that but stuck his tongue out at him.
“Well?  Do I?” he asked, laughing as he rinsed out his glass and set it in the sink.
"Mmm hmm.”
“You don’t talk a lot, do you?” Tom teased before disappearing upstairs.  He was there only long enough to put on his swim trunks, and then he rejoined his brother.  “You’re wearing your bathrobe?”
"And nothing under it." he winked
“So why bother?  Not like you’ve got anything to hide from me.”  He giggled and opened the door.  “You coming?”
"It's chilly." he said going to him.
“It’s Hawaii…how chilly can it be?”  Down the porch steps to the beach, and down to the water’s edge where the tide was now coming in.
Bill took his hand and smiled, "It's so pretty."
Though he knew what his brother meant, Tom teased, “What is…your bathrobe?”
"The sea...and you."
“I think you’re hallucinating.”  But he smiled and squeezed his brother’s hand.  “Coming here was a good idea.  I’m glad you suggested it.”
"I've always wanted to come especially with you."
Though it wasn’t obvious in the moonlight, Tom blushed a little.  “Thanks.”
Bill turned to him, putting his free hand on his cheek, "Aww...you blushed. How cute.”
“Not every day you get that sort of compliment,” he murmured.
"Heh...will you kiss me Tomi?"
He smirked.  “You’d think, after today, you wouldn’t have to ask that.”
"I know but...it makes me cuter.”
“It does?”  He laughed and kissed his brother’s mouth.  “I don’t think you need any help in that.”
Bill smiled more, "Yea huh.”
Tom waited to see if Bill wanted more of a kiss then that or not.  He felt he’d certainly given him permission, but he still smiled encouragingly.
His twin leaned in and pressed his lips to Tom's.
Assuming Bill wanted more, even though he wasn’t taking more, Tom parted his lips and traced his tongue over the other set of soft lips.
He stepped closer; parting his lips enough for Tom to get in but just barely.
“Trust,” he whispered, using his hands to untie the bathrobe and slipped his hands inside.
Bill's eyes closed, "Always." he replied.
Taking that as permission, Tom drew him deeper into the kiss.  His hands caressed his brother’s skin, eased around Bill’s back, and held him close with his hands clenching his twin’s ass.
Bill moaned softly, shuddering.
That moan was like fire through his veins; making Tom growl and grip tighter, bring their bodies closer rub together, with only his swim trunks between them.  He couldn’t imagine a more erotic sound than his brother’s desire, and he wanted to create more.
Seeming to understand Tom's need for closeness, Bill wrapped his arms around his neck.
What he wanted was for their clothes to be out of the way, but he didn’t want to let go his grip on his brother’s body.  Using his arms and his mouth, he managed to push the bathrobe from Billy’s shoulders and until it slid to the ground.
Bill shivered, breaking in need of air, "Tom..." he whispered, just wanting to say his name
“Take my shorts off…” Tom hissed as his gripping hands pulled enough to expose the treasure within to fingers that caressed over the tight muscle.
Bill obeyed quickly, not wasting time and then closed the space between them again.
But after several minutes of kissing, Tom wanted something else.  His hands came up to tangle into his brother’s hair, and then little by little he pushed Bill down to his knees.  Hungrily, he pressed his groin to his brother’s face, rubbing his shaft and balls against the other man’s features, until he managed to position his arousal near Bill’s mouth.  Rather than say what he wanted, he growled and tightened his grip a little.
Bill growled.
“Do it,” Tom growled back.
Bill opened his mouth, taking him in slowly.
The growl deepened as his hips began to move.  His head dropped back so that he was staring up at the stars and after a few thrusts he hissed, “Gawd I want to fuck you…”
Bill paused, slightly surprised, "Then do it."
He whined.  “Didn’t bring lube.”  He hadn’t expected this path of events for this walk…just a walk.  What had suddenly emboldened him, given him the confidence and desire to act, he couldn’t say, and he had no idea if he would actually be able to follow through with what he wanted even if he had the chance.
"You could use spit." he said nipping lightly at his balls. "I'm not fragile you know.”
“I don’t want to hurt you…”
"Tom if we go back you won't go through with it," he pointed out.
“And if I hurt you, I’ll never forgive myself.”  He stepped back a little, turned Billy around, and moved him to his hands and knees.  As he had the day before, he dropped down behind him and pressed his mouth into the deep valley laving it with his tongue through it with another hiss.
Bill groaned, grabbing fistfuls of sand, "If you're careful, you won't hurt me." he managed out.
“Let me know if I do…I’ve never done this…” He could only go by what he’d seen, and what his brother had done to him earlier.  He licked and sucked, listening to his brother’s groans, and when his nerves were ready, he pressed the tip of one finger against the pucker.
Bill pressed back encouragingly.
Taking that as a positive reaction, Tom paused to suck upon his finger, and then eased it in further, still being careful, until he could reach no further.  He paused again to judge his brother’s reaction.
A delightful shudder ran down his spine and he glanced over his shoulder, telling Tom to go on.
“Not hurting you then?” he whispered as his finger stroked the inner walls, seeking that special spot he knew had to exist there.  When his finger finally brushed over a small nub on that smooth surface, his eyes flicked back to his brother’s head.
Bill's back arched and he let out a small cry of pleasure, "Fuck! Tom!"
“Is that good…or bad…”
"Do it again." he pleaded, "Hell please.”
His finger circled it, and then began to gently massage there, feeling his own body shiver with the pleasure he felt giving pleasure to Billy.
Bill soon became a moaning, writhing mess and began begging Tom to stop teasing him.
More spit was added, as well as a second finger, and then a third, as he tried to carefully stretch the opening to accommodate an even larger intrusion.  All the while, he made sure to continue that internal stimulation, while his other hand stroked the organ that hung below.
"Fuck...Tomi...I'm too close just get in me. I'm fine.”
Maybe he had put it off as long as he had out of apprehension, but he was honestly enjoying his brother’s responses.  He leaned over Billy’s back and kissed his shoulder.  The fingers were removed from the now gaping and twitching orifice, and he murmured, “Fine…yes…you are…”
Bill made a soft sound, "I need you...now.”
“I hope this is okay…” He spit on his hand, slicked his own member with it, and then pressed the head against the external muscle of his destination.  Even after having been prepared, even that little bit of entry felt so tight that he froze, shaking nervously.  “Billy…” he squeaked.
"It's okay Tom. I'm fine.”
“You sure?” he croaked, easing in a bit more.  “Cause damn…you’re so…tight…”
"Ugh god...I swear.”
A little more…a little more, and soon he was buried completely in his brother’s body, both of them facing the water and the moon.  “Tell me if it’s…bad…” But damn he hoped that didn’t happen.  The sensation of the muscle clamped around his shaft was too amazing for words.
"God Tom...you're perfect...stop worrying."
“Perfect?”  That made him laugh, both of which caused him to relax a bit.  He drew back, and then pushed back in, slowly, several times in a row, getting use to the sensation and memorizing it.
"Perfect...in me." he said tightening a bit and then relaxing.
The rhythm and pace gradually increased, with Tom groaning and whimpering throughout.  He tried to angle each thrust to hit that tender spot, resisting thrusting too quickly because he was already close to the limit as it was.
Bill moaned and whimpered with him, holding out as long as he could.
“Billy…I don’t think I can…wait much longer…”
"Me...neither.”
“Are you…waiting for me?”  He didn’t want to miss a moment of Bill’s responses, and was afraid that if he let go now, he would.
"Yes!”
Pouting a little, afraid of what he was going to miss, he let his hips jerk a few more times, and then gasped in amazement as the burst of powerful sensation overwhelmed him.  He lost control of his body, feeling it jerk and spasm until he collapsed down upon his brother’s back, exhausted and delightedly drained.
Bill whined, "Tomi...”
“Tell me what to do,” he rumbled, reaching beneath his brother to stroke his arousal.
"Ugh...make me come...god please.”
He writhed his body around until the head of his shaft was rubbing over his brother’s sweet spot with each small thrust he made, while his hand pumped steadily.
Within seconds, Bill cried out and came hard into his hand.
“Yes…yes, Billy…good boy…” He didn’t intend to belittle his brother at all, the words just slipped out without him thinking about them.
Bill merely grunted. Everything felt like a dream. From the warm tingling feeling to his brothers pulsing and whispering in his ear
From that grunt, Tom couldn’t tell what Bill was thinking or feeling. Rolling over to lie upon the bathrobe, pulling Billy closer to curl around him, he whispered, “Are you okay?”
"Did...that really happen? I'm awake?”
“If you’re not…then I’m somehow aware of your dreams…” He was becoming more worried.
"...Good...I'm so happy...thank you...Tomas.”
“Was it okay?  I mean…” He knew his brother had experience already.  “Did I do everything right?”
Bill just smiled and kissed him deeply.
Eventually, he began to shiver and tried to hug Bill tighter.  His cock had softened and slid out now, leaving him feeling oddly alone.  “We should get inside…shower and get warm…”
"Mmm sounds good...I hope my legs will let me."
“I don’t think I could carry you,” Tom giggled.  “I’ll have a hard enough time with my own legs.”  He reluctantly pulled away, rolled over, and reached for his shorts as he sat up.  “Well, so far so good…”
Bill sat up too. “I feel empty...and so alone...why?”
“I dunno…” Shakily he got to his feet.  “I feel alone too…like I’ve never felt before.  It’s…strange…”
The younger looked down as he carefully got up.
Tom picked up the bathrobe, shook out the sand, and then handed it back to him.  “Here…we might as well lean on each other.  Maybe we’ll make it back without falling on our faces.”  He grinned.
"Yea." he pulled it on but seemed lost in his thoughts...again.
It was slow going, but they did make it to the house without incident.  “You want to shower first…or wanna share?”
"Share?"
“Looked big enough for both of us to me,” Tom said with a shrug.  By now he had helped his brother up the stairs to the bedroom.  “But I’ll respect your privacy if you want.”
"It's okay. You've already seen everything.”
“A long time ago,” he laughed.  “How many baths have we taken together since being little?  But that doesn’t mean you don’t want a few private minutes alone.”
“I need to be close to you.”
He led Bill into the bathroom, and as he started the shower, adjusting the temperature, he asked, “How close?”
"Close...I'm...I just need you...to hold me."
“Will make it hard to wash the sand off…but after that…” His voice trailed off as he stepped into the shower and held out his hand.
Bill took it. He didn't understand what he was feeling and it worried him.
It worried Tom too, because he was afraid he’d done something wrong…or worse…that he hadn’t met Bill’s expectations or that Billy was now regretting it.  There in the shower, he lovingly used his hands to wash all of the sand from Bill’s body beneath the warm, gentle spray, then did the same to himself.  Afterwards he dried them both off and then ushered Billy back into the bedroom.  “You ready to sleep?”
"No." he shook his head.
Tom scowled.  “I thought you wanted me to hold you?”  It had seemed doing so in bed was a good idea.  “I…don’t know what you want, Billy.”
"I need to talk...I thought...I just...AH BLOODY HELL! I'M SO FUCKING CONFUSED!
“Don’t yell at me.  Talk if you want; you know I’ll listen…but don’t yell at me.  I haven’t done anything to deserve that.”
Bill groaned and fell face first into the bed. He lay there for a bit and then clenched the sheets in his hands
Tom sat beside him and waited.  He couldn’t help if Bill didn’t talk, and now, after that outburst, he was afraid to even touch him again.
"Why...why did it have to be...you...why? Of everyone to fall in love with...it had to be you...I can't live my life hiding my feelings...”
“We don’t have a choice…and if I was anyone else…you probably wouldn’t want me…” was the only answer Tom could give.
"I hate it! I can't let anyone have you! I'll die.”
“You won’t die…because if you die, I’ll be alone…and that would be a selfish thing to do to me,” he scolded lightly.  “We can only make the best of what we have…no matter how hard that is.”
Bill punched the pillows, curling on his side, "I can't Tom...I just can't...”
“Then what do you suggest we do?  Quit the band and become hermits on a mountain somewhere…out of the public eye…leave all our friends and family?  That’s what it would take, Billy…and as nice as it sounds, I couldn’t live like that…and I don’t think you can either.”
He got no reply.
Tom bit his lip and climbed up into bed to lie down.  “You knew what we were facing going into this.  I’m not going to lie and say I regret it…because I don’t.  But I’m sorry if you think this has all been a mistake.”  He’d felt pressured into all of this to begin with by Bill’s pouting and tantrums, and now Bill did the same thing, making him feel guilty and wrong for giving in.  He couldn’t win with Billy, and that hurt.
"...I'm scared..." he whispered
“So am I…but it is what it is…and at least while we’re here, we don’t need to worry about it so much.  When we get home…we can rent our own place…or buy a place…but for the sake of appearances…” He shrugged.  They had already discussed this earlier and gotten nowhere.
"I don't want to lose you to some whore or other guy...it hurts so much knowing I have no choice
“You’re not going to lose me.  No one has said that but you,” Tom murmured, trying to reassure him.  “Why do you think any girl would automatically be a whore?”
"Because...all they want is you to get in their pants.”
“Like you?” he giggled.  “No…but seriously…I’m smart enough to know how to avoid that sort, don’t you think?  I don’t go for that type…male or female…and if you think I do, you don’t know me very well.”
"...Admit it...you don't want Andreas touching me do you?”
Tom shook his head.  “I already told you…no, I don’t like it…maybe because he’s a guy and not a girl.  Maybe if it was a girl, I would feel different.”  Or maybe not, but the thought of another guy being where he had been, doing these things with Billy, was unsettling.  “But I can’t see that I have a choice.”
"...I give up...either way...I won't win...”
“I didn’t know this was a game or competition.  You’ve got my love…you’ve taken my virginity…you’ve got as much of me as I can give you, as often as I can give you.”  He got up from the bed, grabbing a pillow.  “I thought you’d be happy with that…that giving you what you wanted would make you happy…and instead all it’s done is make you more miserable.  I would have been better off saying no, not coming here with you, and letting it go at that.”
With tears in his eyes, hurt beyond belief, he trudged to the door.  Without looking back he mumbled, “Thank you for ruining the most beautiful night of my life, Bill.  It was suppose to be special…and all I’ve done is hurt you.”
And with that he went downstairs to the couch, trying to hide that he was crying now.
Bill stared after him. No…he didn't want this; didn't want to make Tom cry. He got up follow him but hesitated and then went down, "Tomi...”
Tom didn’t stop and didn’t look at him.  “Just leave it, Billy.  No matter what I did, I was doomed to make you miserable.  And I can’t fix it now.  Nothing I can do will ever take back what we’ve shared, and can never be good enough…so I’m screwed either way…so just leave it.”